When you have been trying to deal with your emotions properly and the lack of self-love all your life it can be very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Trying to make the moves to living my Best “FREE” life has brought on so many twists and turns that I wasn’t ready and it left me winded. From starting therapy, being more open with the people around me, starting the blog, and being more understanding of my mental health I truly thought that I was on the path to feeling better. Then BOOM here I am back in my hole. Maybe I got too big for britches(lol). Being in limbo of my healing journey has made me feel like a failure because I fell back into my old self-toxic behavior. I have come to understand that these are the tests that will periodically show itself on my journey to help me get stronger and I have to work hard to fight the urge to not fall back into my comfort zone of depression. Understanding that every day for the rest of my life will be a choice to get better and deal with life in a healthier way has been the hardest part of this whole journey. I thought I could just WANT my way to happy and after this past month, I have come to the realization that that’s just not possible. The proper steps matter during this time because they will make you stronger. Skipping steps and getting overly confident has left me overwhelmed and now a few steps back. I still have lessons to learn and I need to take baby steps to learn them. I mean I have been my worst best friend for 36yrs so now I need to take my time and trust the process. I may feel like a failure right now but unlike before I know that I’m NOT a failure. I’m just a woman that is learning how to deal with life in a healthier way after dealing with it in such an unhealthy way for so long.
‘’SUCCESS IS NOT FINAL. FAILURE IS NOT FATAL. IT IS THE COURAGE TO CONTINUE THAT COUNTS.
WHY CAN’T I JUST BE OK???? I have literally been killing myself trying to answer this question since I was a child and when I can’t seem to find the answer I was left feeling even more defeated. Well, now I don’t! I AM okay even when I’m not okay and so are you. If you just so happen to FEEL things differently, have the ability to empathize with people a little deeper than others, or you have the ability to wholeheartedly always be understanding then you, my friend are more than okay. You’re rare! It’s not a lot of us walking around this earth my love, trust me. Be proud of the unique way you look at this world and the people in it. Yes, we may feel hurt deeper than others but that is what makes us special. Even with our hurtful story or wearing our feelings as body armor we still find a way to empathize and sympathize with people we know and with strangers.
I know that there are many negatives when you deal with anxiety and depression but we have to acknowledge that this life isn’t completely horrible when you have the right support system. With the right support system, you can be exactly what you were put on this earth to be. You are the medium to the chaos, the voice of reason, and the one that can always see both sides. We’re needed and a necessity in this world. Please stop looking at your mental hurdles as only a negative and start celebrating the things that make you, YOU! I use to think that what I was going through was a curse but now I put a spotlight on my positives also. I’m still a blessing and so are you! I’m still trying to utilize the gifts I have been blessed with and finding myself in the process. I know that when you feel things deeper than other’s it can be draining but with a loving support system that understands what you deal with and will genuinely be there to help replenish you, when you have a caring therapist in your corner that will help you dissect through all the emotions that flow through you, and when you find your passion to help others that is when you will see why GOD gave you the gift to FEEL.
So yes I may have had a little stumble back but I refuse to stay back or fall back. That foggy place isn’t worth my gifts anymore because I found my purpose in my life and it all depends on me staying on this path of healing. I appreciate the steps now and I will take every lesson to heart. I don’t have all the answers and maybe not the credentials some people need to feel your words are valuable. But, what I do have is the experience that no book could ever teach. I wanted to die just a few short months ago and now look at me. I have been able to stop an oncoming panic attack, I have revealed my secret battles for the world to see, and I have been handling myself with the kind of gentleness that I never have. Even in my setback, I’m further than I was before. Just know that you’re 100% capable of coming out of the fog, I promise. You’re capable of living a fulfilling life even with your mental hurdles because you’re NOT DEFINED by them you just live with them. Coming out of living mentally unhealthy to living “FREE” won’t be easy but it will be rewarding. I can’t wait to see what we accomplish when we learn to live with our hurdles instead of trying to make them disappear. You’re greatness, we’re greatness, and we will do great things. Continue to Thrive in your dopeness QUEEN!!!!
Fabulously Flawed and Tryin❤️