A few months ago, I walked around the store Burlington and as I’m walking down the aisles with my caramel frappé with extra caramel in my own little world. I come across this pencil holder, and it said, “Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire.”
Let me tell you something. As soon as I read it, this chill went down my spine. The words spoke to me that day. But for some odd reason, I didn’t buy it. I would spend the next week or so thinking about that pencil holder and regretting not getting it. So, one day I wasn’t feeling very confident in my purpose, and that dang pencil holder popped in my
head. So, I got dressed and made the 25min drive just to see if it was still there. Yea, I know I could have gone to Amazon, but I wanted that one from that place. The place that gave me that tingling feeling. I searched the unorganized shelves for what felt like forever, and then there it was. I grabbed it this time, and I would not let it go. I didn’t even want to give it to the lady to scan it. I resembled a kid when you’re about to purchase them some candy, lol. You may be wondering why I made such a big deal of this THING, this pencil holder. I must share with you how anxiety works for some people. Anxiety is chaos in your brain. The kind of chaos that will make YOU break yourself down slowly. That will have you constantly thinking the worst of yourself. So, when you come across something or someone that gives you life, you don’t let it go.
“Small steps in the right direction can turn out to be the biggest steps of your life.” ~unknown
After all the years of dealing with self-inflicted abuse, I found out that writing and inspiring others set my soul on fire. I didn’t even know that about myself. From a child and on into adulthood, I have repeatedly told myself that because I didn’t have the credentials or the educational background, my story isn’t valid. I felt that my words aren’t worthy of being heard. That I wasn’t deserving to be in this space. Now even though I’m currently pursuing the education that will match my passion and experience. I have to acknowledge that my lack of formal education doesn’t change the fact that I have lived with what’s in those very textbooks’ professors teach from for 36yrs!
I have fought many mental battles alone!
I have smiled in the faces of loved ones while secretly wanting to die!
I have consoled and hugged people with the same arms I’ve hurt in secret! I know how to make the whole world think that I’m ok! Now I want to BE ok!
As a woman and most defiantly as a BLACK woman, we all will water down any and everything about ourselves, so others aren’t uncomfortable with our greatness. But that must stop now!
Their discomfort isn’t our problem!
I have that pencil holder sitting where I can see it as soon as I wake up because I can’t let anxiety win any longer. I must be fearless, and so should you. You must explore the priceless artifact that is YOU. Work your way through those many layers of self-doubt, childhood trauma, adult trauma, abuse, and self-inflicted abuse until you get to your fearless layer.
The layer that helps you conquer it all! The layer that helps you overcome all of the hurdles!
It is in this layer that you will find your power. Your DOPENESS is your power, and it is powerful! you have to tap into that DOPENESS and thrive in it (Thrive in your DOPENESS!!!) because that’s where your strength resides and it’s what separates the old you with the best version of you. We all have it, and we all get to define what it looks like individually. I have to be fearless while I pursue what sets my soul on fire because I have laid dormant entirely too long, and I almost let myself take ME out of the game of life. I owe it to myself and the people that I inspire to never sit quietly again.
“I’m Strong because I’ve been weak. I’m fearless because I’ve been afraid.” ~unknown
It time to make some noise and move some mountains! Pursue that DOPE version of yourself fearlessly…