So I reread my blog “My Worry is Different” and it made me think about my family and friends that read my words and found out what I was dealing with for the first time. I had to put myself in their shoes for a second, and I couldn’t imagine reading that someone close to me wanted to die. I know that my words had to be processed by you guys, and trust me, I understand, but it’s the truth. Walking around thinking that my love was conditional had me wanting to end my life so everyone else’s life would be better off. This is embarrassing and upsetting just to type these words.
I’m writing this to let you all know that I am sorry that I didn’t confide in you, I didn’t allow you to be there for me, and the opportunity to help me. Just reading my own words made me cry because I came so close and felt so lonely in this world for so long. Just thinking about those days makes me want to cry because that place was so dark. I truly believed that no one would miss me and that this would be the best decision that I could ever make. Not just the suicide but to always mask my genuine emotions and my inner self. To hold things inside and never speak up for me when I’m mistreated or hurt simply because I didn’t want anyone to hate me. I was my doormat, and that is so hurtful to say out loud. So I thank you all for caring enough to wish you had the chance to be there for me and the support that I have received. It makes me frustrated that I went this long, and I could have had a great support system this whole time instead of going through everything alone. No, I’m not happy about the last few years and how I handled things, but I will say that I appreciate where I am now. Confiding and expressing myself to others has been freeing. I finally feel like I’m apart of a village that supports and uplifts each other…..
Copyright © 2021 Takia Davis Fort Worth, Texas United States